hoping this belongs

So I said I was going to start off with my childhood how many of you can remember back to your first recollection without anyone telling you. Well I do my first memory is of my father always saw his face he was a happy man then there was this women , but she was not so happy. This made me sad mind you I am talking from what I saw as a child there was also this other girl she was scared all the time always pulling me back from the voices we heard and they were loud at times other times they were to quite sometimes crying me and her would hold each other but sooner then later a women the one that was not happy would pull us apart and put us in different rooms and there we were alone without, yes we fell asleep but does one really when they are a child the memories run together, That girl turned out to be m sister the unhappy women my mother and the smiling man my father I believe I mentioned and if I did not remember I was a child. One day the unthinkable happened the man became sad the women become angry and the other girl very quiet almost like she was not there not me though hell I was a kid a child and thought hey lets get back to what was, but that was not to be.

My Life As I saw It

Well this is going to be one continuous blog,, hopefully in some sort of order you may understand , but more importantly please remember that I can vary off and forgive me, Also should be mentioned that no names will be given it will respectfully be he or her you will be able to tell with whom I am talking about , only by mention of their relationship to me. The reason for this is because this is how I saw my life , my version other peoples views may vary and that is fine they are allowed to have their thoughts through their eyes, so in retrospect no one can dispite what will be written because let me make this clear this is about my life how I saw it, Which means I really do not care if people wish to remember events in their lives which include me differently beause frankly that is how they saw it, so that being said I hope that it is understood these are my thoughts, feelings, and accounts of what I thought about moments in my life. Also I should meantion that if you are under sixteen Do not read this blog or anything I write as it will not beunderstood by you, even those that will read this that are older will have difficulty believing that a person saw her life like that but also what I perseve as how I made it through varies different challenges that shoud not be read by minors. Your life will be confusing enough now that you do not need my ramblings. So please do not read and do not think this is because I wish you to read because I do not.Those that read on please remember you have had your own thoughts about differnt aspects of your life , before you think this is fiction remember not all lives where June Cleve and whoever in Leave it to Beaver.

Sop al that being said I will now tell you why I have decided to write this testomoily of my life and NO it is not a suiside note or a cry for help I have delt with most of what I will write about and what I have not dealt with will be meantioned but not in great detail, Why do say it will be evasive it is because I have not yet processed all the information in a manner that I shall call One of me. So that being said I shallnow tell you that acording to some Medicalopions that I have Multiple Personalities yet other non medical yet, with a degree say that it is not different personalities it it just different parts of my inner self projecting to people at different times depending on the situation a sheild to protect myself which one of them do I believe both because they are basically sayinng the same thing only difference doctors meds other professionals help me merge all myself into one voice that is what I will try to talk to with in my writings, but why I also mentioned I may go off ddifferently at times. So I guess they call all that a proluge whaterever so here I go the truth my life remember this is how I saw it. Oh it should also be meantioned that it will be within three different parts child, teen, adult at times these over lap. So for those reading hang on and as for me get ready because this will be my truth for all on how I view my life and I can just imagine most that know me will not like this while others will say oh it finially makes sence.

Tired

have you ever been really tired to the point you do not think you can make it through the whole ,let alone the next five minutes, Well that is how I have been feeling lately. The doctor say maybe medical or you depression is making you more more depressed. Noe that one right there even a man with a really good education to pause and wounder what the hell. On the one hand your depressed and instead of getting better you have gotten worse, then the thought who is to blame anyone but me well hopefully cause I was hoping to get out of this funk not get more buried in ,What about all my happy thoughts or has there really been any what is it I think dark and day out or do I even do that I don't fight anymore whats the point oh no is that a sign that I will be blah forever what? Or maybe I am sick and how the hell is that any better because the way I have been feeling it cannot be good news. I just do not want to get out of bed , but there is also the fact that I feel like I cannot I have no energy, I just feel that my body has become week, holding bags makes me tiresome walkin 5 blocks I have terrible breathing, but what I noticed the most I do not have the will to augury there is No fight in me and that is how I know I am Ill. So there is only one thing to do.Build up the strength I do have and start playing jokes because if I will be able to hear happiness whatever it is that ales nnothinng can be better prescribed than laughter because where there is laughter there is love and where there is love there is hope and where there is hope there is Shining his love on us keeping us all safe