Walls are Closing In

Have you ever felt that the walls are closing in around you and no matter how much you try to make space they just keep getting smaller and smaller. when this happen to me I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, hoping that my voice would pop the walls, but I kind that the walls just cling ever so more to me.So what do I do well first I try to figure out what made them suddenly start to close so fast and it always seems the same answer which is this simple really, I would have outlines on what needs to be done with income that has been received and for some reason it never gets done, which leads to confusion. blame, pointing of fingers, right down to the astonishment that I can go over and over this again and again. The funny thing is I am so used to this getting out of these predicaments is really not all that hard. What is hard is getting over the feeling of shame, guilt and REMs that it is my my fault that we came to this even though even deeper down there was no fault of my own in how we came to this.It is just that you manipulate the situation to seem like it is my fault all for the fact because you need me to solve the problems because when you get right down to it, you do not have the intelligence or the energy because your lazy and have a roped sense of being that your great when in reality your just a scared little boy who always needs his mommy. May be big and strong, but that is for intimidation. The clock is ticking and one day the clock will strike the moment of my independence and freedom along with my beauty shinning through to blind all those who did not believe in me.

Second Choice

Throughout life I have always been the second pick for everything in my life. For example just recently my mom invited me to go to Ireland with her. I was over joyed it is the one place I always wanted to go back to. You see when I was younger Our family went on a trip to Ireland, it is where my father is from. I have never seen a more beautiful place. To this day whenever I get down about something I remember my time there and it helps me to pick up my spirits. So all I had to do my mom said was get my passport which I did. All in all the cost was about 2 Hundred Dollars,because of the fact I had to get all my ID birth, social insurance number, picture ID, and passport.Lots to get together when one does not have a lot of income. The important part was I got it together, then out of the blue my sister who always got whatever she wanted called to inform me that she was going to Ireland with my mother and how everyone was pitching in to help her pay for her proper identification. I just didn't know what to day I still don't.I always knew I came second to her all my life, I have always been the one that had to work for anything I wanted, I have always had to deal with my problems on my own without the support of family, so when asked to go to Ireland I was elated that I was finally going to be important to at least one person my mom. So once again I was second choice to them. I myself know that through all my struggles I come in first if only for the simple reason that I am still around to talk about my struggles with my life so I guess I can be second choice to them, but I come first in my life.